On Being an HSP Mother, Social Justice Leader, and a Stranger Things Superfan
- Nikki Cole
- 6 days ago
- 8 min read
I just finished Stranger Things. All of it. The whole entire genius masterpiece, seasons 1-5. And I barely slept because there was so much to process.
If you're thinking, "Nikki, that show ended a while ago, where have you been?" - Listen. I'm a mom, a campaign coordinator fighting for living wages for the whole state of Maryland, and I'm building a coaching business at THE SAME DAMN TIME. Time works differently for us. We get to things when we get to them. And sometimes the universe delivers exactly what you need exactly when you need it.
What I didn't expect was for this sci-fi horror show about kids fighting interdimensional monsters to crack something open in me about motherhood, sensitivity, and leadership. This show, I feel very deeply, is one of the most genius, creative, relevant, and needed shows ever made. It's everything!
Let me explain.
The 80s Weren't Just Aesthetic For Me - They Were Formation!!!!!
I was born in 1982. So when Stranger Things dropped its loving tributes to Star Wars, Ghostbusters, E.T., The Goonies, Stand By Me, The Lost Boys, A Wrinkle in Time, The Hobbit, Terminator, Alien, and basically every horror and sci-fi film that shaped my imagination - it wasn't nostalgia.
It was recognition. It felt like the show was literally made FOR ME.
Those weren't just movies I watched and books I read. They were part of the source code of how I learned to be brave. How I learned that nerdy kids like me could be heroes too. That friendship was a superpower. That monsters were real but could be defeated if you had the right people beside you.
And the music? Don't even get me started. When Kate Bush's "Running Up That Hill" became Max's lifeline - literally pulling her back from the grip of Vecna - I felt that in my bones.
If I were Max, my song would have been “Head Over Heels” by Tears for Fears. That song has been on almost every playlist I’ve ever made throughout my life. And I’ve made A LOT of playlists.
Because that's what music does for those of us who feel everything deeply. It tethers us. It reminds us who we really are when the darkness is trying to convince us we're already gone, when we don’t have the words or vibrations to pull ourselves up alone.
As a Black mixed-race kid growing up in that era, seeing the interracial relationships in Stranger Things - Lucas and Max - the whole Party's natural diversity - it hit different for me. It wasn't a Very Special Episode - you know how they used to do in the 80s and 90s on sitcoms to address a serious social issue - and then get back to the comedic oblivion the next episode. It wasn’t like that. It just was. The way real friendships actually felt, even when the broader world was a hot stupid mess about race.
And that’s how it was for me growing up in certain working class neighborhoods in small town Western Maryland with my friends. There were kid bullies and adults who were assholes in a neverending myriad of ways, believe me, but at the end of the day, I always managed to find friends who didn’t give a shit about skin color and cared deeply about having someone to play games and bicycle around with way more. If you’re reading this Megan Mackelfish, Jenna Thrasher, Tiffany Lutz, Brad Daley and all the crew at Londontowne Apartments- I’ve never ever forgotten ya’ll!
The Moms, Though. THE MOMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can we talk about Joyce Byers?
This woman decorated her house with Christmas lights because she KNEW her son was communicating with her, and she refused to let anyone gaslight her about it. She looked insane. She didn't give a fuck! She was right!
That's super mom energy and Winona Ryder killed that role. KILLT IT AND KILLED VECNA TOO. She said "You fucked with the wrong family" and chopped its head rights off. And that's the kind of mom energy we need to bring to ending this MAGA shit too, real talk.
But the one who really got me was Karen Wheeler, OK?!?!
Let’s get into it. Karen start out on the series almost as a visual punchline - the perfect 80s suburban housewife with the rotating perms and shoulder pads - which I totally LOVED. And she's married to Ted who is literally asleep through the apocalypse. You could feel her suffocating.
That poolside almost-affair with Billy was her screaming into the void about being unseen.
But the show didn't give her a clean "liberation" arc. It let her find herself within the life she'd chosen. She stayed loyal to Ted - not because he was exciting, but because he was good. And then, when her children were threatened, she dragged herself - first out of the hot tub to fight one of the big demogorgans for Holly - and then later out of a hospital bed she had no business leaving and destroyed those demogorgon dogs with a ferocity that had always been there, underneath the Aqua Net - to save Robin, Max, Lucas, and Mike - I was like like YAAASSS B.I.T.C.H., YASSS! Because...those kids were about to die if she hadn't mustered those mom superpowers from God knows where.
And you know her softness and the fierceness were never in opposition with each other. They lived in the same body. As they do in mine. As they do in yours.
The Primal Knowing
Here's the thing about becoming a mom that nobody really prepares you for:
You discover something ancient, non-negotiable, and ferocious alive inside you. Something that doesn't care about civility or consequences. Something that will burn this whole bitch down without flinching in a second. Something that just IS.
Now, I am a peaceful person. I do my best to lead with strategy, thoughtfulness, and deep care. I coach other leaders through complexity with nuance and patience.
And I also know, with complete certainty, that I would destroy anything that tried to hurt my
daughter. Like Joyce Byers, Jim Hopper, and Muhfuckin Bad Ass Karen Wheeler.
At first, this knowing was a little uncomfortable for me. It still is, honestly. Because I'm also someone who believes that matter vibrates…that we pull toward us what we put out. I don't want to walk around vibrating at "I'm ready to cut a bitch and destroy anything that threatens my child." That would be living in a state of anticipated threat. That's exhausting - and I know this because I’ve had days like that already. That shit is not cool and it might call in the very things I'm protecting against.
So I let it be. I let it sit quiet, like the Byers' arsenal in the basement. I know it's there. I trust I can access it. But I don't sleep next to it every night.
The fierceness is the easy part. Any mother animal is wired for that. The harder, more human work is choosing not to let that knowing consume your daily energy. Choosing to raise your child in joy and lightness and beauty while that other thing stays coiled and quiet, ready in case shit….
And let’s face it, right now with Kristi Noem’s demogorgon ICE dogs on the loose, we’re all
having the “in case shit happens” thoughts and taking "in case shit" action these days.
It’s a battle of consciousness and intentionality with each and every gift of a day.
Being an HSP Leader in a World That Wants Us Numb
I'm a Highly Sensitive Person - or HSP. Always have been.
The same sensitivities to light, sound, smell, taste, motion, and emotional and physical pain in myself and in others that make me cry or feel totally overwhelmed at any given moment - including throughout Stranger Things -- is the same sensitivity that lets me read a room before anyone speaks. That makes me a powerful strategist who feels the shifts in a campaign landscape before others see them. That helps me coach women leaders through their unspoken struggles because I can sense what they're not saying and what they're feeling physically and emotionally.
My sensitivity is not a bug. It's how I'm wired. It's my superpower, and it took me a long time to realize and accept this - not suppress it.
And here's what I've learned over the years of becoming more self-aware: when you're depleted, everything hits harder emotionally and physically. There's no buffer. The weight that you usually carry with grace becomes crushing and exhausting. A tender note from a partner or co-worker can feel like criticism. A slight misstep or mistake can feel like the ultimate failure. A beautiful piece of art can crack you open in ways you weren't prepared for in public… That's not "too sensitive." That's too much weight with not enough rest.
And if you're a leader in the social justice world - especially a woman leader, especially a leader from a marginalized community - you are almost certainly carrying more than you should. The campaigns. The finances. The caregiving. The emotional labor. The code-switching. The hypervigilance that comes from knowing what's actually out there because you've survived this shit.
But you can't pour from empty. And you definitely can't lead well from empty either - even if you're an Aquarius like me.
What the Stories That Move Us Are Telling Us
Stranger Things isn't just entertainment. It's a five-season thesis on the power of children being taken seriously. On friendship as a literal survival mechanism. On love as the thing that pulls you back when the darkness has you.
The show never condescended to its young characters. They all shined, all the time. When Lucas sat with Max in her darkest moments … when Will struggled with his unspoken love … when Eleven tried to understand what it even means to be a person ... when Nancy and Jonathan think they're about to drown in melted reactor goo and confess their complex feelings of disconnect and love - the show treated those feelings with the same weight as any adult drama.
Children are full human beings. Their fears are valid. Their love is real. Their instincts are often sharper than ours. As a mom, I know and witness this everyday in my daughter and her friends.
Eleven spent so long thinking her power came from the lab, from Papa, from rage, from trauma. The breakthrough - literally - was remembering that she was loved before all of that.
That the power was hers and always was.
That's what I want my daughter to know. That's what I want you to know:
You already have everything you need inside of you to make your most beautiful and powerful dreams come true. And together, in community, we have everything we need to rebuild this upside-down world.
You're not broken and needing to be fixed. Not empty and needing to be filled. Not weak and needing to be toughened up. And nor am I. We are all already enough.
The systems, the beauty standards, the racism, the sexism, the capitalism, the false perfectionism that runs on making us feel insufficient - Don't let it convince you of that ever.
So Now What?
If you're a leader who feels too much, who carries too much, who's been told your sensitivity is a weakness - I see you. It's not. It's your superpower. But superpowers need rest to recharge, just like Eleven with those Eggo waffles 🙂
If you're a mother who knows the primal energy that lives in you and are trying to honor it without letting it consume you - I see you too. That's sacred, hard work. And if you just finished an emotionally enthralling TV show and need permission to take a nap and eat a good meal before you do anything else - permission granted!!
Fighting the monsters can wait. We have a long road ahead of us, so take care of yourself first and R.E.C.L.A.I.M. your time!
That's how we win.
Word is Bond,
Nikki MG The Stranger Things Super Fan!
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